A Franciscan Journey

Brother Damian, OSB asked to hear about my journey as a candidate for the Secular Franciscan Order (SFO). We've been encouraged in our formation to talk about it and I've been wanting to keep a journal since it is, to me, immediate, and to others I think it might also be formative. I'm not familiar with blogging, but I get a sense that the better blogs are written with purpose and this journey lends itself to reflection and journaling.

Since I'm beginning to write it down somewhere in the middle, I think you might need some background to understand what I'm experiencing. But following the trail back is like digging up the roots of an old grapevine and I'm not sure I can do that without killing it. I'll rely on your experience being something similar to mine. It's interesting that the Franciscans teach conversion as a work in progress and recommend writing and reflection as a way to track and adjust one's progress. Maybe that's the best way to approach it. I'll try to blog as I journal. You'll see what I see and that will be my gift. Feel free to comment. I'm about ready to hear. I promise to read whatever comes, to respond if I can, and to take Francis' attitude of love and tolerance, though I may need a lot of practice. Perfect people don't need this journey. I crave it.

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I lived in a seminary from 1968 to 1972. Our life was heavily programmed. We woke up at six a.m. and followed a daily schedule of prayer, liturgy, study, work, community and growth. It was not an ordinary adolescence. I entered the seminary at age 14 and left at age 18 feeling compelled to follow the Spirit of God out into the world, for reasons I couldn't discern. In the subsequent thirty-eight years I have been married, raised my family, had several careers (I currently work in public education) and pursued many interests. It's been a rather normal life, except for the spiritual journey. Let's just say that under the surface I've been intensely searching for God, not because he hides himself, but because rather he is so clearly near. One cannot stand close to God and ignore him at the same time.

About eighteen months ago my wife, JoAnne, asked if I would like to go with her to a meeting of the Secular Franciscan Order. I agreed and we began a period of inquiry, at the end of which we asked to be accepted as candidates for full membership. The fraternity at Saint Mary's parish in Phoenix allowed us to join and we began a two-year period of formation. We're about six months into that period. At the end of the two years we will petition to be accepted as full members and if they agree we will begin a vowed Franciscan lifestyle in association with the Secular order. At first I was rather blase' about the whole deal, just another Catholic group, another spirituality program for adults, all familiar to me. But it didn't take long to realize this is very different.

The Franciscans are an order dating from the beginning of the twelfth century. Saint Francis decided to change his life in order to live according to the teachings of the Gospels. He did it full-force and without reservation, holding nothing back, nothing for himself, imitating Christ as a poor preacher who had to beg for food. In his era he was counter-cultural and appealing to many of his contemporary men, who flocked to follow him. The order grew quickly to number thousands of men, and women such as Claire of Assisi devoted their lives to a parallel lifestyle. With the establishment of both a male and a female order of vowed religious, there was also the growth of a secular group of men and women, many of them married with families, who found in the example of Francis and Claire, an approach to God that was meaningful and effective. Francis recognized the Seculars as sincere, and so wrote a Rule for them to follow before he even had one for his own religious brothers. This Rule has been passed down and revised over the centuries so that it would have meaning and value in our modern times. The Rule is meant to guide our spiritual development and help us to grow in faith and in effective action. I can't explain the spiritual power it has to draw my heart and soul, but I confess it does both.

Though I will write mainly from my own perspective, JoAnne and I are sharing this journey in deep and intimate ways. Foremost of all, we are prayer partners, trying our best to join together every morning and evening to pray from the book called The Roman-Franciscan Book of Prayers, an adaptation of the Divine Office. It is heavy in the Psalms (which I am growing to love) and other scriptures, It is familiar to me in the sense that it restores the daily prayers I loved when I was in the seminary. It restores the daily life of prayer which culminated in the Liturgy, our Holy Mass. It is this blend of scripture, prayer and living that helps us recognize in the ordinary events of our daily life, the devoted presence of God. We understand now that we are not alone.

To grow in faith with one's spouse is a tremendous grace. It means that we work out our salvation in a loving community that reflects from moment to moment the love of God. We only need to turn to one another to be reminded that God is leading us, and that he loves us without reservation. That really helps when we doubt our worth. It also means that we have someone close at hand who knows us better than any other living person, who can watch our progress and comment, with love, on our possible mistakes, weaknesses and illusions. Marriage has always been a journey of trust for us, so now we are making advantage of that resource like never before. It's like my brother once counseled me: "If you ever find yourself wondering if something you are about to do constitutes infidelity, I suggest you go ask your wife!" We are each others' confessor and spiritual guide, unofficially of course.

But I think that's what marriage should be; a small church; a community that gives and receives life, where each member is equal to every other member, where the good of the whole is the good of the individual. Where freedom is not established through independence, but through interdependence. It is the power of community come alive, and it is a suitable sanctuary for the love of Christ.

By the way, Brother Damian is also my high-school classmate. We were there together when, as teenagers, we learned to pray, work and worship God. For the last three and a half decades he has lived within the community of Benedictine brothers at Shawnee, Oklahoma, on a beautiful college campus not far from the site of the first, original McDonald's hamburger restaurant. He is currently completing his doctorate at Saint Gregory's college where he sometimes teaches, among other duties. I enjoy his success as much as I enjoy dropping his name. I have cool friends and will introduce them to you as they appear in my reflections...

Pax y Bien

T. R. McNamara.