Noises Off

     JoAnne and I went on a silent retreat. I was going to blog about it, but I wanted to surrender to the silence. After the retreat, as is always the case, "coming back into the world" was difficult and I put off writing, trying to sort myself out. Now it's been a couple of weeks and I noticed something... I noticed the noise in my life.
     This isn't the first time I've noticed it. Actually, it makes some great stories. But this time I particularly noticed the noise inside my own head, how my thoughts are always swirling like a hurricane until I almost want to run away, find someplace quiet and just sit until it all goes away.
     Part of spiritual life is learning to turn off the noise, or at least learning to close an interior door between oneself and the noisy world. Our world is definitely full of noise. Televisions, music systems, even traffic in the street. Noises at night disturb my sleep. Noises at work tell me what's happening in and around my classroom, playground, caffeteria. It's not just the noise, but the way we need to be always listening in order to know what's going on. Part of gaining interior silence requires letting go of our involvement in the world. This is a faith issue. It means we are willing to let God take care of the world for at least a while.
    
     But like anything worthwhile, cultivating interior silence requires both effort and sacrifice, sort of like learning to do crunches, or eating healthy. I think part of wisdom (part of growing old and experienced) is learning the basic commerce of living and growing: if it's worth having, you usually will have to pay for it. There is another principle that goes along with this: beginners must start at the beginning, and there's no way around it.

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Idea jump...

I met a woman this week who does not believe in God or in the devil. These things--good and evil, she says--are the products of human thinking.
     I was so surprised by her frank assessment that I didn't know what to think. I realized after awhile that she believes in the supremacy of humankind. There is no source. We simply exist and have our effect on history.
     I, however, believe that I am not superior. In fact, I'm rather low on the creation ladder and wherever I go I must deal with the fact that there are more powerful beings than myself, and that at least one of them does not have my best interest in mind. In fact, the devil's great obsession is my destruction. And weak as I am I must constantly flee to God's protection. If I forget, or if I get smug and think I can do it on my own, well, the consequences hurt.
     I really don't know what to say to a person who doesn't believe in God. Except that it's one of those situations when it helps to withdraw into the silence, where the noise of the world falls away, to know and understand once again that God exists, that he holds me and my life in his Hands, and that he keeps me safe forever.

     Not even death can break his grip.