Monsoon Season

     Out of bed early this morning to do my walking. I had a cold and missed several days. Not too bad. About three miles, very early. A police car slows as I cut through the park. Maybe I should wait for the other walkers to come out.
     They say our "monsoon season" started yesterday. Monsoon refers to a seasonal shift in the winds, which bring a change in weather. It happens the same time evey year and while we don't wade in water up to our armpits, we've had some summers where the rain total matches some monsoons in India. I looked it up.
     We are experiencing another seasonal change. It's summer break for teachers. In days gone by, this was the layoff time when teachers relaxed, got their heads back, maybe did a part-time job to earn a little cash. Those days are long gone. Now the teachers work more hours to meet the "extended school year" our administrators brag about. Meanwhile the administrators don't want to tell about our jobs next year. JoAnne has been cut to twenty hours a week. I got a letter saying "come back next year" and "we'll tell you later what you'll be doing and what we'll be paying". Heck of a way to earn a living...
     So the changes include JoAnne sitting with a calculator to figure if she can earn enough from early retirement, or if working an extra year at half-wages will result in reduced retirement payments from the State of Arizona down the road. Either way it doesn't look pretty.
     So I'm walking every day in anticipation of working later without a car to commute in. No matter. Simplicity is a virtue in Franciscan life. And I'm not good with money anyhow.
     But I'm not so good as a teacher, either. I lack "assertiveness", which is the same as saying I won't cut somebody's throat to get ahead. I seem to be the only person around who thinks that way. I get the impression people think I'm broken or something because I rather smile at people than condemn them. Maybe I make them nervous. So I was thinking about my future as a teacher while I was out walking, and thinking about the story I've been trying to write between teaching, and thinking about how maybe I'm not suited, really, for anything else but writing. And writing could be a gift to give to God, like teaching, right?
     And it doesn't matter if anyone else ever notices, either way, because it's all God's business in the end, and he keeps his books well.

     So even though it feels like we've failed--at least at the things the world says are important--we don't really need to be anxious because God is still in charge. And if people aren't hearing the words I write, maybe all I need to do is to find another mountain to write from...

     Happy Monsoon!